Goddamn Freaks
When I was a kid, I used to watch these movies where people gave out their phone number as 555-yada-yada-yada-yada. It seemed so dumb to me, because ‘555′ makes it so obviously a fake number. (I kinda felt sorry, however, for Jenny, at 867-5309.) It’s sad that it has come to this, that we must protect our fictions from seeming too real, because so many are dumb enough to readily call up your number and tell you what to do (”Don’t go up the stairs you dumb bitch — the killer midgets are waiting there!”).
In Twilight, Bella (the angsty protagonist) moves to tiny Forks, Washington, where she falls for Edward Cullen, an angsty, guilt-ridden vampire. It seems natural, then, that Forks would become a major tourist attraction.
Over the last year or so, Forks (population 3,120) has morphed into a mecca for Twilighters, or Twihards as they are sometimes called. Visitors to this rainy town, whose main industries are logging and two correctional facilities, have more than tripled for the first eight months of this year, compared with the same period last year, according to the local Chamber of Commerce. Lodging occupancy is up, and local merchants sell little-vampire pacifiers and Bella and Edward action figures.
“You used to say you were from Forks and people would stare,” said Marcia Bingham, director of the Chamber of Commerce, referring to the “B.T.” (“Before ‘Twilight’ ”) days. “Now when they hear where you’re from, they’re breathless.”
Just fucking shoot me. Seriously.
(Though I must say the accompanying slide show makes La Push seem like a nice place for a picnic.)