Dear Diary

I’ve been in Uganda exactly one week now.  Here’s what I’ve been doing:

Monday (June 15): Slept for 5 hours then worked all night.  Threatened to kill someone for starting a fire near a pile of plastic.

Tuesday (June 16): Threatened to cut someone’s hand off with a butcher knife.  Initially thought I might be having a fit of rage, being jetlagged and all, you know, the kind of rage that comes when you’re not thinking straight and desperately need a blowjob to calm you down.  But six hours later I threatened to cut Peter’s hand off.  Turns out it was just that kind of day.

Wednesday: Found out that the thugs that wait for me outside of my factory had died from eating some local herbs they’d stolen.  There is a god, after all.

Thursday: Slept, then worked for 20 hours.  An askari (security guard) begged me to teach him kung-fu.

Friday: Worked, then drank.  Apparently, a whole new club scene opened up in Kampala while I was away.

Saturday: Waited outside my factory gate until 5am to assess how many thieves would come to attack me.  Turns out everyone there knows me now and won’t bother me — a terrible thing since they attacked Robert just a few months ago.

Sunday: Saw Robert and had a look at his elephantitis.  Jesus.

All in all, a great start to my summer holiday.  Kisses.